Page 31 - ELITE PLUS MAGAZINE VOL11

The Negative Addiction PhenomenonOur harshest critic is within us. Every day, we are saying things and doing things that zap our self-esteemWith all this fever about thinking positively and positive focusing, why aren’t people doing it? This is because most people automatically create negative thoughts. It has almost become an addiction of sorts. When you hear newlyweds get together and discuss their spouses, it’s amazing how often a string of complaints come out. These women love their husbands yet there is this steady stream of negativity. Is this a form of love? Maybe. But in a sense it shows us our addiction to negativity even as a reference point to discuss matters. Where did all of that come from?They came from our parents and our teachers. These people do not intend to be negative but they impose conditionals like, “If you don’t learn this or study hard, you will fail!”The nature of learning is feedback. People ask us, “Can you give me feedback about what I have beendoing?” or they tell us, “Let me tell you about what you have been doing.” The feedback that comes to us is to help us improve. Improvement does not mean we’re not good enough. It is good enough for now but the feeling and the thinking is that I need to improve. That is the way it is with the child-ego state within us. We’re always trying to please our parents, our carers, our teachers. We’re always trying to do something to make the adults appreciate and accept us and love us for the things that we do. We’re always seeking approval.Our harshest critic is within us. Every day, we are saying things and doing things that zap our self-esteem. We make affirmations that sometimes become real because we’ re saying it often enough. How many times have you said to yourself, “Oh I’m so stupid,” or “I’m getting old,” or “I can’t believe how unlucky I am.”Elite+ 29